See the full review at www.bangkokbarfine.com
The Kid can’t be called a flannel-mouthed liar if he dares to say that this might be his favorite bar so far in Thailand. By necessity I do most of my ropin and ridin around Bangkok, but if I had my way I would setup shop in Pattaya and hang my hat most nights at Secrets. At the end of the day a fellow wants a nice clean table, a meal to eat, a cold beer to drink, some friendly company and a place to lay his head. This bar doesn’t disappoint.
How to Get There: A Trail Map
The trail is pretty well trodden to this area of Pattaya, so even to the freshest greenhorn should be able to pull himself up to the bar in no time. Secrets can be reached by setting off from either Beach Road (Walking Street section) or Second Road and heading down Soi 14. Secrets is about halfway between each maybe about 75 meters. Coming from Walking Street it will be on your right just after you pass Grand Hotel. There is a sign with a big red circle and Secrets written in red.
The place is easy to spot and offers parking on site for a small fee if you happen to be riding your metal horse. There are a few seats and a bench out front. There are three main entrances. One entrance is for the hotel (marked) and two are for the bar. The bar has an entrance in the front by the seats and one on the side just inside the small parking soi.
What to Do: A Little Sage Advice
This particular venue offers a lot to a man. It is at once a bar, a gogo, a restaurant and a hotel (not to mention yacht rental, chauffeur service and Villa--someone has his fingers in a lot of pies). Now, I can’t speak to the final couple of offerings, but I can certainly vouch for the first four.
I happen to think that one of the best features of this bar is that it is immaculately clean. This might not matter to some of you, and sometimes a fella just plain wants a place with a little wear and tear, but if you spend as much time as I do in questionable establishments it is refreshing to feel like you could curl up on the floor if need be. The bar space is well organized and open and a man can choose between bar seats, secluded booths, not so secluded booths and high top tables. It has something to match every mood and comfort level. Hell, even the bathroom smells good.
In addition, the menu is quite respectable if you have a hankering for a little grub. They serve a breakfast starting early on and everything in between for the rest of the day. The menu is quite varied and they even offer different types of stuffed baked potatoes. How can a man go wrong with a belly full of meat and potatoes?
It might be a stretch to call this a gogo bar since the girls wear most of their clothes (high boots, short shorts and jogging bras) and only a few dance on a couple of discreet poles about the room, but that certainly doesn’t mean there isn’t a whole lot of good things to be seen. The girls are beautiful and friendly and genuinely quite kind. Not only that, but I happen to like a little left to the imagination.
If you happen to find some little gal that tickles your fancy you can call her over for a drink and actually have a conversation because they don’t play the music so loud you can feel it vibrating your boot nails for three days. My favorite thing about this bar is that all the staff are friendly and even enjoy playing games. I don’t know any cowboy that wouldn’t enjoy a little game of chance with his drink and they have quite the offering. The last time I was in town we played Jackpot Dice, Tiddly Winks and two forms of Jenga. At one point, I do believe there were 8 people playing and I even won a few free drinks off the mamasan.
Rope and Ride
I would like to say that there is an easy answer to how a fella can take a little lady on a date after drinks, but as of this moment I am still a little confused. The basics of calling her over, striking up a conversation, asking her out and paying the tab are the same, but the question of a bar fine remains a bit of mystery to this old cowpoke. There is a type of sliding scale. As best as I can recall it hinges on: whether the girl is a server or a dancer, whether she is the day shift or night shift and the time of the day during both of those shifts. I do know that the top rate is 1,000 baht and I believe the bottom is 600. I was informed, however, that this rate insures a few things including the right to petition the bar if you aren’t satisfied, a promise that they selected nice girls who won’t go poking through your saddlebag while you sleep and the cost of getting the girls tested once a month. A thousand might be a little steep but compared to the general disdain you get for the same price at Baccarat and the average 400-600 around Bangkok, I’m not going to complain. These are nice girls. *I will update this page after I am back next time and get the bar fine situation sorted.
Another perk to this particular watering hole is that it offers a hotel on site. This is not the hourly bunk house above some bars but a real hotel. I have stayed here before I can vouch for the quality. The room was clean, had a safe, a table and chairs, minibar, television and nice bathroom. My favorites were the fully stocked supply of condoms, ear buds, tooth paste, tooth brush, shower cap, mouthwash and pump dispensers of soap and shampoo in the shower. It is really nice for the days when you just ride out of town with nothing on your back after a long day of work. This cowboy doesn’t always pack what he needs so it’s nice to be taken care of.
The rooms are between 795-995 and just can’t be beat for the convenience to both the bar and Walking Street.
Womenfolk
Depending on your taste in women and mood for the night, this place could be just what you’re looking for or just not it at all. There is a certain lack of variety in that all the girls are younger, attractive, well-mannered and clean. For some folks, this jut won’t do. If you are looking for something a little dirtier or older or fatter, this ain’t the place for you. If you want some honestly decent company with pretty girls, then stop on over.
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